why do i have to feel i made a fault if i didn’t.

why do i have to feel i made a fault if i didn’t. I asked ms barts if she’s available on Tuesday at 2pm . What the heck? Ms. bats is not available at that day. I heard from mariel and confirmed to everyone that its true. Fucking people want me to feel this weay because i am the one assigned to the stupid schedule. You know i have to write this because no one can bear hearing this from me. I have to be contented in writing to you because if i wont write, ill die of feeling this stupid thing. I don’t want this. I ddont want to be reprimanded again by the stupid Ms. ola. I don’t want to hear again her scoldings. Now, I am about to cry and whren I do people will judge why i cry especially my thesis partner. Now im thinking about it. I can live without a partner. I csan begin a new thesis alone. Doing it alone, carrying the problem on my own. I prefer that because no one would bame me for what i do. I want to go out and take drugs, take everything to forget this damn feeling. But there are no drugs for this. I cant avail the stupid drug. Its very hard to be in this sit5uation. Doing and feeling things i should not feel. I want to get out of this place. Stupidly, i heard from mariel taht there’s no such thing as bad luck. If there’s none, so there is fate word that exists. Fate due to the decisions we are making everyday. So what decisions at made that led to this fucking fate? decisions--- what? think ana think why i arrived in this maqtter. THINK! Stupid youy cant think? Why cant you think? Now, nesta is looking at me. Looking why i look like this. OCme one she knows everything. She knows my capability. My stupid capability. Crying then Anne will ttthink Why i always cry. Stupidly, wen anyone asks me not to cry, i do cry more. SO studpid that crying feels bad becaus eeveryine weill think that i cant han-nbdle this thing. Everyone will think that im weird. Everyone will think I nobody. Why would i even want to know what they think. Come! Why would io even care. Stupid mind m,akes me to care. Stupid mind wants me to continue thinking, worrying of what pther s think of me. Stupid mind thinks about what anne thinks of me. STuid mind thinks how angry is Dianne to me. People pleaser never gets happy, or satisfied ion his acts. Stupid mind slows time so that i can feel the pain longer, more difficult. Why would I have the burden of this thing? Why do I have to listen to people? Fine! then God wnat this. God want this thing to happen to me. Stupid God wants to to feel this. Im thinking this thing because Nesta gave me anote that says “for every season there is a reason. All things will work for you own good. Okay? You can get througfh it. DOnt be discouraged okay? God bless!”

This is what she she said. ocme one God does not even want me. He does not want to speak to me. Stupidly, God can speak to other people. People who believe maybe that God is speaking to them. Im not contented with that .